Paul and Storm

It’s common knowledge that at any house party, people will gravitate to the kitchen. Why? There are many theories, but current research* into the kitchen’s superpower as a social hub cites its physical dimensions and furnishings, which allow a large number of people to casually arrange themselves at good conversational distances.

Think about it: there are lots of surface areas to lean on, and maybe some stools, all of which lend themselves to people coming and going with ease. Having an awkward conversation? No problem! Just take a step or two towards the hummus, and voilà–you’re interacting with someone else. The same escape from a living room couch? Awkward! And in any well-designed home kitchen, you’re usually never more than 2-6 feet away from where others are standing or leaning, which is perfect for either small group gabs or one-on-one talking.

So the question becomes: how can this knowledge be harnessed to make money? ANSWER: a catering hall or nightclub that’s nothing more than a series of interlinked kitchens (“Party In The Kitchen” for the former; PITK the later). Sort of like if you had a soiree at Ikea or a home improvement store with model kitchens, except that the fridges and ovens all work, popping out brewskis and pigs in blankets on-demand. Larger kitchens would have full bars; even the bathrooms would look like very small kitchens. And not only will PITK feature a variety of kitchen sizes and styles, but the windows will be LCD screens to give the illusion of being on the 60th floor of a Manhattan condo, or in a prairie farmhouse–or at the bottom of the sea, or ON THE FRICKIN’ MOON.

Yes, you DO want to go party there, right now. I do too! But aaaargh, it doesn’t exist! So although I have neither the time or funding to pursue its development, I’m offering this idea at no charge to the world in the hopes that someone will make it real. As ever, if you do make a zillion dollars with this concept, I’m not above accepting a token gratuity, such as a three foot high solid platinum sculpture of Chilly Willy, a chocolate factory, or a PITK franchise of my own.

*G. “S” Dicostanzo. “Kitchen as Social Nexus.” The Journal of Pulling Stuff Straight Out of My Ass. 2011.